I dnt know what to do i was extremely happy for the past 2 weeks and this past Sunday everything just went downhill for me. I feel like my mental health is deteriorating painfully and slowly, to make things worse I have so many physical problems it’s ridiculous. for those 2 weeks I actually felt how happiness feels when youre miserable for so long even one day of no worries no depression or anxiety is strange. Its obviously a great thing but it’s strange because you’re so used to feeling like shit all the time. Just being in my room makes me anxious and sick because it reminds me of all the bad times, of course there where some beautiful great times but for the most part it’s been sufferage. i try not to be in my room as much but it’s hard to realize that its not your house or your room or you city or whatever else that’s the problem it’s your head, now if it was so easy to think that way and appreciate things. Ever since my sister and her boyfriend broke up any kind of social life is gone for me. i spend days sleeping i sleep in the all day and all night sometimes i dnt even get up tp eat, i just sleep my life away… I might as well be dead is what i think because i literally feel like a walking corpse. Im like a zombie all doped up on anti-depressants, tired, weak, sad with no life whatsoever. I dnt know if anyone ever feels like this or knows what this is I also suffer from Depersonalization, which is kind of like an out of body experience, where you might feel like you’re dreaming maybe just floating around like in a dream everything seems blurry and unreal, and the scariest thing is when i look in the mirror sometimes i feel like it’s not me, it scares me it makes me wonder “whats wrong with me!!! ” am i schizophrenic am i crazy whats wrong with me, ive had so many hospital stays, been on so many drugs and tried my damn hardest to have power of will which is the most important thing you have to have when you deal with this. As time just goes passes me by crazy fast, i havent done anything i havent finished school anything at all. All im doing now is trying to figure out what im going to do i have to do something but everything is so damn hard and complicated when you’re like this. Right this moment all i keep saying is what am i going to do whats gonna happen to me? Im really scared, and i hope im not the only person that has been through all this.

1 Comment
  1. Asubi 13 years ago

    U are not alone be strong

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    0 kudos

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