Last night was rough.  It was my last night in a hotel room by myself in one of the most sinful cities in America: Miami.  I was extremely tempted to indulge in my sexual addiction by calling an escort service, going to a massage parlor, or visiting a swing club.  I did none of those.  I didn’t even look at porn.  I feel strong and in control now, as if sleep and discipline kept me from doing regretful things.  One of the things that helped was logging on here and communicating in the chat room.  I ended up having a private conversation with another member on the site who welcomed me to really reveal the compulsive sexual thoughts searing through my brain.  She told me it was going to be OK if I opened up.  So I did.  This morning, I see she has removed herself from my friend’s list.  This is the flaw with weak minded people.  She pretended to be concerned and interested, but then made it clear and obvious, that she had no desire of being helpful, but simply nosey.  And then, without taking any of my feelings into consideration, removed herself from my friend’s list.  Now, I know it shouldn’t matter and it’s simply petty of her because she got scared or simply doesn’t have the mental maturity to recognize compulsion as a true mental disorder.  That doesn’t mean there is any true harm that could possibly be committed via a web site.  Besides, her ridiculous pleas for attention via her “pay-attention-to-me” photos should have clued me in to how superficial she is.  It doesn’t matter.  I still feel better having unloaded my manic thoughts and I am happy that I didn’t do anything stupid last night.  Even though I still feel a reduced level of anxiety, I also feel like I did the right thing…and that makes me content.

1 Comment
  1. saphyrre 15 years ago

    i'm quite curious now what might have sparked this type of reaction from others here. was the conversation or whatever it was, that outrageous, or indecent?  yeah, ok, so i'm nosey…just trying to figure out why or how a person could cause such an outrage from ppl when there were two ppl involved in the 'incident' that occured, whatever that incident was. have both sides of this 'incident' been explored and heard?  


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