So, I am not a person suffering from an anxiety disorder, however; I am married to a man how has one.I am writing this in oder to have a place to sort out my feelings and thoughts & hoping that those who are experiencing the same as me can help. I am also hoping to hear from those who DO suffer from an anxiety disorder in aiding me in living with a person who is plagued with this life altering disorder. Who knows, maybe even what I have to say will help someone else.
So, a little history here…I fell in love and married an outgoing, life-of-the-party, center of attention man. I love how he could walk into a room knowing noone and walk out with a whole room full f new friends. This was a 2nd marriage for both of us and we have 4 children.
Almost 3 years ago, my mother-in-law passed away (she was my best friend) and not only did I have learn to live without her in my life, but I quickly learned that I would have to live without my husband as well.
My husband was the pillar of strength for his family during the 6 months after the death of his mother. He took care of everything. I even wondered if he would ever morn her death. 7 months after her death, I learned that anxiety & depression can claim the life of the LIVING. Things have never been the same.
My fun loving husband has become a man who cannot even go to the store. He will not attend a family gathering of more than 10 people. He will not stay to watch our son's football games. He cannot work, clean, or even hold me at times. He VERY frequently experiences anxiety attacks that result in an over night stay in the hospital.
This is now going on 3 years of torture for him and for our entire family. I am exhausted. I have been the nursemate, supportive wife. I have been the babying wife, the helpmate, then switched to the wife who will not enable to now, the downright ANGRY wife. One thing remains, I have been the wife who has carried and now dragged her husband through life and now I am so… tired. So angry. Feel so alone.
I don't know what to do anymore. For him, our sons or for me. I feel (and for those who suffer from this disease, please forgive me but I am just speaking how I feel) I feel that this disease is such a selfish disease. I feel like everything is all about my husband and how he feels & I am tired, so tired of walking on eggshells. I am so tired of having no one to help me. Though I love my husband more than anything I feel so alone.
Is there any other people out there who are married to someone with this horrible disease that feels the same way that I do?