I dream in colors, beauitful reds, purples, blues and greens. I feel touches, I smell smells and I taste flavors. Its a wonderful ands peaceful to hear the birds singing, with sweet smells in the airs, with the wing blowing in my face so cool and crisp. I love to sleep, to have a moment to escape my reality. To rest my mind and body to connect to a deep form of consciousness. Having such a vivid imagination can be a blessing and a curse. I have dream some of sadness moments of my life. I have dream of seeing my grandmother take of last breath and with everything fiber in my body praying for her to not leave me again. I felt her skin so soft but cold, I saw her struggle and I could do all of nothing to stop it. Those moments hurt. Those moments makes me cry. I can never cry when I am awake. I never understood why I can't bring myself to cry. I never understood how I must put on a brave face but in my dreams is I can no longer pretend that things don't hurt me. I dreamt about my grandfather about the house on the hill. The house where my childhood memories are stored. I often dream about house and it sad every time. I am reminded that he and the house are forever gone. Death is permanent. My own death does not scare me much. There is fear of dying alone but death itself is almost welcome. What I can't stomach is losing others. Its still bothers me that people will come into your life and leave. I still do not understand the concept. Why love when the possiblity of the person you love will leave you. When hearing a song, or smelling will only remind you that he or she is longer around. I have struggle with this concept for a long time. It brings such a lonely feeling my heart. There are many missing piece of my heart that I will longer have. I wonder if they can hear my thoughts and desires to see them once again. I think so because they also come in my dreams.


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