continuing to stay healthy mentally can be a tough paved road with many pit fall that brings me back into my dark place. It almost happens a couple of times. When my heart broke, when my body broke and my spirit curl up in a little to hide from reality. it can be a struggle and what is frustrating is people sometimes do not realize that their actions and words can leave marks and scars unseen by the human eye. I smile because I should be sad, I should be upset, I should be a lot of things but I am not. I refuse to be unhappy, I refuse to be sad, and I refuse to let my darknes in. Do I have my moments yes. But joys comes in the mornings. The morning does not necessary mean the next day the mornings can simple means when you wake up. I realize that there are many things I would love to happen in my life. I would love to finally have the relationship that I have been wanting. I frustrate me sometimes when I am ask to open myself up, to let people in. To not keep so many things to myself and then when I do its like things change. It bothers me that people can take your feelings and play with them for no reason. Maybe I think to hard and maybe I am a little sensitive but I also believe in common sense and being honest. If you had no intention of doing the right thing then why bother. I don't understand people I guess. Inspite of the broken heart, health issues and other problems. I will continue to be optimisted about life. I want to be positive and I want to keep myself in a place where it can be dim at times but not dark. I never want to return to my darkness. It scares me. I am a little afraid that I won't return this time.