My need for sex has gotten desperate. I can’t stop thinking about it. Damn hypersexuality… haven’t had anything since this began… and, I don’t do well with that. And, freakishly enough, I’ve never been able to care of the frustration myself. even as a teenager, self service sex acts just didn’t do it for me. I have a bitchin’ imagination, but it just gets me fired up, and hungry, like I am, right now. Starving… and, I know he’s nowhere near that point, but dear God, I need to have sex so much I can fucking feel it. My muscles just throb for it… this is probably an over-the-line entry, but oh well…
I was working on a particularly lurid moment in my play, a few minutes ago, and I just flew into sex mode. It was awful. I just wanted to climb on top of Charlie, and violate him. But, I’m not allowed to do that, anymore. Not that I’ve tried, but I have a pretty good idea what the outcome would be. I know my husband. I wish he could forgive me, or… at least… let me back in… because, it would be easier to repair the damage that’s been done if I wasn’t being kept at a safe distance at all times. He can’t really be sure he wants out. Not even a half hour ago, I laid next to him, in his arms, with my head on his shoulder.
Today’s been alright. Not the lovely day I was going for, but not bad, either. It’s still early. I might still come up with something cool. Pull a rabbit out of a hat… but, I still won’t get laid.