I really don't have much to say because I'm not good at this kind of thing. My therapist thought it was a good idea to try it though…ugh…jotting down my thoughts..what a fucking pain in the ass.  My thoughts are so confusing it's hard for me to choose what to start with.  I feel lost but I know I'm home, alone but I'm here with my son, confused about every freaking thing going on in my life, sad about anything anyone even mentions to me, angry yet not sure why, tired even though all I want to do is sleep…the list could go on.  I don't understand it.  I just found out this past week that my therapist is leaving the clinic she's been at for 17 yrs to go to a student clinic across town.  I can't see her there because I'm not a student at the college.  Cry  What the hell am I supposed to do now? I began seeing her about a year and a half ago when the therapist I was seeing at THAT time at the same clinic left.  CHRIST! How am I ever going to get through shit when I can't seem to get consistency…or is it me? Maybe it's taking me entirely too long to get through all of my issues. ???? It just seems like it's always one thing after another and I can't seem to get a handle on each thing before the next comes along…if that even makes any sense at all. Who knows…shit who cares anymore.  I'm ready to just say piss on the world.  My attitude these days really has been so negative and to be honest that just isn't me.  I've always took pride in the fact that I care about people and their feelings.  Lately it seems like I just don't seem to care about anything.  Not my appearance, my house, my bills, my family, my jobs..NOTHING!  yeah, I'm pissed off at the world right now.  I just wish I knew where to turn.  My therapist has referred my to another one of her colleagues but ya know, I'm tired of telling my damn story.  geez…it'll take 3 freakin' sessions for her to even get a handle on ME, ya know? by then, 15 other "issues" will pop up and I'll be a disaster again..hell I already am, what am I talkin' about. I am truly beginning to hate my life and everything about it.

3 Comments
  1. Cynthia 13 years ago

    I had my own business, owned my home clear & free of any mortgage, had a healthy cat and felt safe.

    I decided to take up with a man that pursued me for two years.  He became abusive and I have lost my money, I will be foreclosing on my home that he had me buy, My cat is sick with an illness that has no cure and can only be maintained that got triggered from the stress and trauma of the abuse, and I have no where reasonable to live.

    Find safe people and keep your life simple.  

     God Bless to both of us and Happy New Year I pray.

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  2. angels5888 13 years ago

    you will be fine u sound a lot like me at the moment, but dont worry about the therapist thing, i just feels that way and like we cant do with out them but its just a habit a bond u formed, is not ur fault, at all, that hapens to therapist , do u have to go to the same center or place for a therapist or do u have an option to go elswhere, wherethe turnover isnt that high, one maybe that is established, and wont be going any where, if u cant change just let the new therapist now how u feel about starting from square one again after all ur the boss not them, tell him/her to read ur records to get acquainted with ur case and that u want to go on from there if they r anygood they will comply with u, i know how thatfeels to keep repeating ur self maybe u shoild just put it all on tape so they can listen and then go from there was just kidding , but not a bad idea, take care hope all is better

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  3. hummingbird 13 years ago

    hey just want you to know you are not alone.confusion is over rated.lol  my counsler asked me to do the same thing to journal when i take time out i find it to be helpfull no matter how my mind is all over the place. it can help you see things and help with some release. i wish you the best.

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