I love today’s reading in Just for Today. Happiness is a choice but sometimes it’s a hard choice. Not because I don’t want to be happy but because I let outside things affect how I feel on the inside. I’m human!! When sad things happen I tend to feel sad. When things happen that are out of my control but affect my life I tend to get angry. I know I know !  I have to surrender to the things I’m powerless over and find acceptance. This too is not always easy. Being powerless over someone else’s disease can be very frustrating at times. Especially if it someone I love. Like my wife. I’m sharing this because I have seen this time around, that many of us deal with depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed with severe depression during one of my many stays at a detox and was put on anti-depressants. After being clean again for a few months my spirit woke up. The one I found many years ago when I was clean for a long time. I realized that I had never been a depressed person my whole life. Sad, angry and fearful yes. Depressed No. So, I with the help of my doctor stopped taking the meds. And low and behold, I have not been depressed one day in the last 2 year, 2 months and 25 days. Please don’t get this twisted I understand depression more then I ever did. It too is an illness that some people have and are powerless over like my wife. She has Bi-polar and has a few bad days every two weeks or so. This is an improvement over the last three years. That’s how long she has been clean. In the last two years I’ve gotten better at being patient, understanding and showing compassion and empathy when she has her bad days. I know in my heart that it’s not her fault but sometimes it hard not to a little angry or frustrated. I know that it’s disease that I’m angry at and the fact that she has it. So today is one of those hard days for her and me. I woke-up angry. I’m a lot better at not showing it so much but it’s there. So I’ll pray some more, talk to some friends, call my sponsor and take care of my house and my daughter and the dogs with love. I know that I’m not alone here. To all those that suffer from Bi-polar or depression and have to take meds to control it, I understand and don’t let anyone tell you your not clean. To all those of you that love someone who has Bi-polar or depression, you are not alone either. Don’t beat your self up for getting angry and frustrated it’ normal. Just try really hard not to take out you anger and frustration on your loved one. Thanks for letting me share (not that you had a choice!) lol   Johnny wheels.             

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