Its a little past midnight now and I've just got home and had my shower.
Had my second interview in my life this morning. It was… quite ok actually.. It was more chatty than interrogative, and my anxeity and nerves weren't too bad either.
Its.. weird and strange to be honest. Everything's changed. I've changed, the country's changed, anxiety's changed. Since I've been back home, I've been going out and about with pretty much about 1/100 of the anxiety I used to experience before. In fact, most of the time, I don't feel anything at all!
Maybe this is what it feels like to not have anxiety about going out? … The weird and strange thing is, this feel foreign… not usual… abnormal. I still expect nerves and anxeity, but usually none surface. If they do, its probably cause I've been looking for them, especially since my anxeity structure is largely anticipatory anxiety.
I do wonder, is this the effect of the drug I'm taking? Or is it the effect of counselling? Or the changes in me? Its probably a mix of all of it, but… to think that I might regress if i stop taking medication does… raise some feelings.
I'm really re-thinking a lot of things about myself these days. What I thought I didn't like, sometimes makes me happy. The things that I thought I liked and were totally awesome-bosome.. aren't really that great anymore. Who I am, what I am, how I'm like, everything's changed these days… its… hmmmm… queer [not meaning gay, but meaning strange… i tend to use it to describe weird things in a good way… just thought I clear that up before people start banging on me being homophobic or whatever…]
Well anyway, maybe when I manage to get a job and when things are more stable I'll try to set up some sort of anxiety support group here. The only one I can find now is one for social anxiety, which I'm not sure I have. Talking to people actually makes me calmer, even though the anticipation of meeting new people makes me nervous… i know, its complicated.
If anyone from Singapore is interested in a support group meet-up thingy, do give me a message or a comment yea? =)