Sitting here alone feeling defeated. I did everything wrong today and gave in to all my anxieties, depression, addiction and ocd SELF HATE . I drank, drugged, picked & tore and feeling complete shame and disgust with myself. I run my hand across my other arm and just want to disappear. My skin is so dry and rough. I can feel the smallest blemish and imperfection. I feel my ear lobe and the disfigurement I have created. The scabbing of blood is just another invite to tear at my skin until I feel the pain. Blood running down my fingers means nothing to me. I have to keep going until I feel the pain and the rush it gives me. So soothing. so calming. so good….. But with everything good in my life comes something bad.. the shame I now feel. I did it again. Had another drink of my sprite and vodka because it helps to numb me. Im broke. I hide it. Im suppose to go buy things for my daughters birthday dinner. I might have 10$ after that if Im lucky. The electric bill is so past due, its about 900$ or more now. I used care credit 2 times the past 2 months. Once for my cat and once for my son. I have to make that payment friday or be charged crazy interest rate. 25% The IRS said I can pay 50$ a month for taxes due, but that starts tomorrow. Im such a wreck in every way. I just want to make everybody happy and feel like a normal family. I didnt have that. Its very important for me to make things better for my kids. Im a fake I guess. I hate phony people. At least here I can be my absolute self. Balls to the wall, just me!
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I shouldnt have done it!
KizzyT31, , Addiction, Addiction, Depression, Questions, 0
OK im going to be honest… but first il say that i know im stupid, i know im jepordising...
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Roughin it
fae, , Depression, Anxiety, Child, 1
overwhelmed with everything lately. the house, the kids, my husband. I feel like i'm sinking & drowning & all...
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Could my ocd have turned into something else?
Sany27, , OCD, Anger, Anxiety, Child, OCD, Personality Disorder, 3
Hi, Hope all of you are well? I've been wondering lately about my ocd and how it may have turned...
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How to Ease Pain with Imagery
stargazer310, , Depression, Weight Loss, 0
Adapted from Kabbalah and the Power of Dreaming, by Catherine Shainberg (Inner Traditions, 2005). The body-mind-spirit connection can be...
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The Longest Blog – An Epic Attempt To Clear My Head (With Apologies In Advance for Length and Rambling)
thebadkitty, , Depression, Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Impulse Control, Medication, Obesity, Questions, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Weight Loss, 1
The following was written of the course of the day, from the a.m. until just now, with frequent interruptions:...
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Wanting.
rebeladdict, , Depression, Anxiety, 0
Wanting for the sunshine. Wanting for the rain. Wanting for the pleasure. Wanting for the pain. Wanting for the...
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So What If I Don’t Have Kids
daiseegurl, , Depression, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Obesity, Stress, 0
So here’s the deal. When I first began puberty, it was a medical nightmare. I was sick all the...