This feeling of having no energy is so tiring, it physically hurts to do anything. Even tho i have a lot of physical energy. And this feeling of every single one of my bones feeling so heavy is making me feel like I just don’t want to move. Without feeling lost in my body of nothing. I also feel so tired I could sleep forever but I still can’t seem  to get any sleep without the nightmares taking over my brain. This shit sucks. It feels like the end of the world, even tho I know I know it’s not. I just feel like I can’t do anything any more without all of these thoughts of death and all of these feelings that control my body, my brain, my soul, even my thoughts. It feels like I’m no longer myself. All the things I liked to do I no longer have any interest in them. Even just doing this is putting me in so much pain because I used to love writing stories, poems and songs for my friend that loves to sing but I have not done that in a long time. I miss the person that didn’t care about what others thought of her. She was a strong, brave, smart, beautiful, caring, confident, outgoing person. But now that’s just all gone she has disappeared from my eyes. I wish people could know her because she was so good. But sadly she is no longer alive. She died a long time ago trying to fight the monsters in my mind. She was the strong part of me as this part of me is the weak one.