thank you everyone for your encouragement. i got through the class alright even tho i wasn't capable of understanding what was going on during the last half.  the good news is i'm not that worried about the final next week.  and the professor told me i'm going to get an A in the course.  nice guy.  now i just have to find a way to talk to one of my other professors.

spending that much time in a classroom really got to me.  i almost cried on the way to the car, but i pulled myself together.  i called andy really quick and went to target to pick up a couple things for the apartment.  i literally had no food, and i'm trying to organize my things before i move.

unfortunately my dad called and asked me to call him back when i got home.  i spent the entire time in the store dizzy and confused. i had so much trouble picking out basic stuff.  it shouldn't be so difficult to pick out a shoe organizer.  i bought some wine, i figured i deserved a hot bath with a glass of wine tonight.

anyway, i called my dad back.  i thought i had him under control but i'm wrong.  he's concerned about my therapy.  he wants to talk to me about my problems in person.  i don't think i can handle that.  how am i supposed to talk to him?  he's the one that hit me and molested me for years.  but of course, he used the beer to help him forget.  i'm the one that's hurt because of it.

he's insisting i come visit him soon.  i'm fucking terrified.  and the worst part is, if i act like an anxious mess, he'll just use that as justification that my doctors are bad.  i don't know what he's planning, he won't tell me.  he just says he needs to talk to me about it person.  did i mention i'm terrified?

i want to sleep at andy's tonight, but i know i can't.  and even if i did, it would just be on his couch.  is it pathetic that i want him to hold me?  i'm just so scared.