Called my mom to check in and say hi.  The conversation went really well, and I found out that about a month ago she realized how unhappy she was and decided to get back on depression meds (Celexa).  She said that so far it\'s working well for her, and we also talked about vitamins I\'m taking that are really working well for me.  It really meant a lot to me that she was willing to tell me that she went back on meds because I think she finds it an inconvenience and a weakness to need to be on meds.  She said Dad told her that it was nice that she was happier because he hadn\'t heard her life in a long time, which made her sad, but hopefully was validating her choice too. I told her how I was really happy that she was feeling better.  I truly, truly am…because when Mama\'s not happy, aint nobody happy.  I love her so much.

 

I started to talk about how I\'ve been through a lot in the past and largely emotional abuse.  She instantly tried to apologize for emtionally abusing me, but I was having none of it.  I am greatly affected by her moods, but I had to tell her there was my poisonous relationship with my best friend growing up that had an even more profound affect on me growing up.  So, again reiterrating that she(mom) can\'t take all the blame.  I was talking to my husband last night about how my OCD manifests…and I started to consider all the ways that my childhood friend influenced these issues and mean inner voices.  My husband suggested that I have a "Screw her" party and just let it all go.  I don\'t know if it\'s that easy.  I just see now that she was so unhappy and was so affected by the kind of love she got that she took a lot of it out on me and treated me not so awesome because she didn\'t know how to love.  Cutting off our relationship, about ten years ago, was really hard, but was a good idea.  Just wanted to jot down these thoughts while they were fresh in my mind. 

 

Going to group tonight, and hoping to maybe print this out so I can think clearly enough to share.  We\'ll see….

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