Shit man I don’t know. I’ve been feeling down the whole day and I was going to talk about why on here, but not that long ago my parents came in to show me an early birthday gift. And I just feel shitty cause they got a deal on a quad and they seem so proud of it. They sure as hell were trying to get one for me and my little brother too. But, I don’t feel as enthusiastic as them. Like I can appreciate that they went out of their way to get this for me and I’m grateful for that. They didn’t have to do that but fuck I feel bad. I can’t feel happy about it– literally just thought ” Oh, this would be nice to run away in” and “At least I’ll feel like a boy”. That’s fucked!! I shouldn’t be thinking about that. I don’t know, it’s a mixture of me already being upset and I don’t know how to feel about them. When it comes to the relationship with my parents it feels complicated to me. On one hand they didn’t have to put up with raising and taking care of me– they’ve done and given some nice shit for me. But on the other hand it’s just “I really wished you didn’t do that” or “I feel uncomfortable being around you” I don’t know I just feel like an ass.