Hey Everyone…. What is wrong with me?
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No, I mean this seriously…? I know that our bodies hormones changing can make some people moody, but really? Is this what everyone goes through?…. I know many of you are familiar with Lady Gaga and her music, but I am not. *
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I have been tearing up and crying for what feels like an hour! So much so that I am getting thirsty.. The tears start creeping out and dripping down my cheeks like every five minutes or so! Nearly anything sappy or emotional can get these going… *
~♥~
…Even while grocery shopping, a song that I remember singing with mom can start, and I know that less than a minute later the tears will start.?? Or one of my flashbacks starts creeping up on me and here come the tears again!
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* I’ve been watching “A Star is Born”, and writing down some of the lyrics: “Every time we say goodbye Baby it hurts… …When the sun goes down… …I will always love you this way… …I don’t want to be just a memory… … But all I know is you are where I want to go… …The part of me that’s you will never die… ….When I am all choked up and I can’t find the words…. …When you look at me and the whole world fades, I will always love you this way….”
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My face is a soppy mess! So much so that Cleo has been licking my cheeks. 🙂 She has been napping on my chest, her head barely below my chin,,,,
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“I don’t want to talk about it, how you broke my heart…. can I stay just a little bit longer…”
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If I was wearing any eye makeup i would be looking like a silly raccoon by now… So I have started always carrying a handkerchief in one of my pockets… All of these were mom’s… great, here they come again…
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That is all for now, I am am getting exhausted. It is time for a walk with Bob, he will cheer me up, he always does.
🙂
Sending all of you some blurry tears, a runny nose, a kinda smile, a little hiccup and cold kitty nose kisses – -Iris

3 Comments
  1. ace366 8 months ago

    For several months now I wake up with fear of the coming day.
    This fear can last until 3 or 4 in the afternoon when it lifts and I feel like a normal person. Seeing psychiatrist every 2 weeks and he has me on Mirtazapine. Not helping. Anyone else gone/going through this. Has anything helped? Tks.

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    • Author
      iris-dar 7 months ago

      Hey, I need to leave for a class but I will be home for the evening around 5:00 want to connect then? Um, do you know how do to invite someone to chat? Also, are you on the Discord site?
      ~♥~
      Sending you another smile and hug – Iris

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  2. Author
    iris-dar 7 months ago

    Hey Ace, Well at least you do not fear the waking up part… Um, what exactly are you fearful of? What do you think will happen later that day? For you is it the nervous anticipation of what emotions you expect? Or is it a specific person or place?
    ~♥~
    For me what I am most afraid of, is me liking myself and who I am turning into…. Which of course is who I am on the inside (Iris)… And eventually existing as Iris on the outside too! 🙂
    Try not to laugh at me okay… but what I hate the most about waking up is leaving a dream where I am happy. And seeing that bulge under the blanket always makes me angry! I have reflexively smacked at it more than once, before I am completely awake. (ouch) And trust me, waking up to a throbbing groin is not the best way to start a day! 🙂 I am almost over this self hatred… but I still detest the fact that this thing is attached to me .
    ~♥~
    Is there something specific that coincides with your emotions lifting? Like leaving one place or arriving at another, maybe being with someone who loves you. or “gets” you at least, you know… a friend…. 🙂
    ~♥~
    The good news is that I started HRT on July 10th! A momentous and significant day. 🙂
    ~♥~
    subject shift – Great, Tony just barfed up his cat food. Now he is alternating between trying to bury it and licking at it… well I should go clean that up…
    ~♥~
    I have been taking Buproprion aka Wellbutrin for over a year now. It definitely helps me to not feel so depressed and gloomy. I started on 150mg a day and slowly worked up to 450mg. So three small pills I take every morning along with my ADHD, Bipolar and HRT pill …. Six pills every morning… eventually I hope to only need the HRT pill. 🙂
    ~♥~
    Sending you some hopes for peace and calm, along with a hug and a smile – Iris

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