So I finally found a psych taking new patients who will work with my current therapist. OMG It has taken me 4 months to find one. But it\'s not until June 20th. I am happy I at least found one though, hope I like her.

This month has been a very hard month. I\'ve has such bad anxiety I chewed my extended release xanax a few times. Then of course that made me run out before I could refill, so I had to turn to some other forms of non ethical ways of getting xanax. I wish I had a doc that would prescribe what i need, even if it isn\'t xanax. Personally I like it but do see how its long term use is bad for me, but jeez cant they find just one other non benzo to help me??

I feel like I should just give up meds and drink wine all day. Then I could be a functioning alcoholic with no restricitions of when I can get a fucking refill!!! I wouldn\'t take it if I didn\'t need it. If I wanted to fucking "get high or get low" whatever you wanna call it I would damn sure make sure it wasnt a .50 pill of xanax.

As you see although it is my fault I fired my last psych, cuz she was a bitch…and my general doc has been prescribing for me until I find a new one which was nice of him…….I really don\'t know what to do when I dont leave the house for 2 weeks, and having panic attacks so bad I pass out, but hey your the docs and seem to think the magical 30 day pill increments is all the help I need. I would love to go med free, absofreakinlutely LOVE it, but sadly I am so weak I can\'t handle it. You have no problems with getting my seroquel….and umm not addictive?!? fuck that i know better when I miss a dose.

So if I ever find the right doc, to get me the right meds, or I magically learn CBT and can incorporate it better I need the meds to function. My thyroid is hypo, I get meds for that. For the rest of my life, and noone looks down on me for that. So FUCK all you too good for any one doctors who think anxiety and panic attacks are easily controlled with some therapy. When I get to that point I\'ll celebrate, until then don\'t judge me and quit limiting meds that help me live right now.

So this is spoken like a true addict I guess. I am addicted to not feeling like I am gonna die, I am addicted to going out and enjoying the world, I am addicted to a good nights sleep. And if drugs help me then so be it!

Signed,

A xanax supporter