I had the most amazing realization on the drive to work this morning. I was thinking about Chris and her graduating..and about love…there was a song on my player that brought up the thoughts but it was only the trigger.
I was asking myself who I love…IF I can love today. I used to not be able to.
I realized that I can and that it was Chris that taught me how. And Vince, his letting go with such grace.
When Chris was dying we talked about it and that she knew she had to go, because it was best for her, I could let go of her without clinging… I wanted the best for her. I remembered that warm, loving feeling and then I realized that this is what real love is, the letting go.
I've heard this said a thousand times, but I have never really internalized it and applied it to me, my life.
I was measuring love by how much I would hurt if the person left me, not by how good I would feel if I let go…lovingly.
"If you love someone, let them go, If they come back, it is because they want to, that's love." I saw that in every old movie in the 60's…
I heard this again and again and still I spent so much time trying to get the chickens to fetch.
Well, the wonderful thing is that I know I AM in love today…healthy love. Selfless. It is a FREE feeling. I can let myself be loved today because I am not a hostage and I am not taking hostages any more.
Long time coming, this lesson. Sure feels nice in the knowing.