So, I just joined the group tonight. Just another night that I can't sleep and was just thinking and browsing through some different sights. I wouldn't say that I just have a problem with alcohol; just that alcohol is probably my biggest problem. I am kind of an opportunistic addict I guess you could say; if it is there and I feel like it, I will do it. I do not usually go out searching for a high, but have a hard time turning one down. With drink, it's different; I enjoy drinking and I do pursueit, even though I can't usually remember what I did while I was drinking. A good part of my life has been a "black out", and that is what really bothers me; I don't like having pieces of my life just missing, especially important pieces. I am a mother and my child will always come first and I do not drink around him or get high around him; but sometimes I do spend too much time out with my friends usually drinking than what I should. It has caused major problems in my relationship and I carry a lot of guilt. I do not want to put my child through all of the heartache and feeling rejected that I did from my parents growing up; nor do I want my fiance to feel rejected or that getting loaded is more important to me than my family. The problem is that he does not seem to understand what a problem it is for me and how hard it really is. It's hard to find support because of that and because my parents are still the same way they were when I was a kid, drinking just about every night. I don't really have friends that don't drink and party, so I guess I was hoping I could use this site as an outlet and maybe meet up with some people who are going through similar situations.