After years of suffering, I think I've landed on the conclusion that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder so naturally this time of year has been difficult. I suppose this particular bout of depression started around Christmas time. I didn't get to see my family much and had to pull a shift at work after completing a five hour drive the same day. It didn't feel like Christmas. It was my first one without my family and my boss definitely didn't spare much kindness in making me work both Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. It's been downhill from there.

I feel good some days, empty others, and sad every so often, for seemingly no reason. I snap at my boyfriend. We're currently not speaking because I snapped at him for always being attached to his phone/computer so he can check his stupid Facebook group that only certain people can join. He checks it in the morning, at work, off and on throughout the evening, it's just always there and it bothers me that he's always "plugged in". He asked what the big deal is but I can't really explain it. As I detach from the need to be online all the time, he's still going strong with omfg who said what about what?! I personally don't give a shit. It used to be reddit; he'd spend HOURS reading it. Now it's this group and i09 and this constant need to be reading the opinions of others gets on my nerves, especially when I find spare time to surf the net myself and show him something only to realize he read/saw it the minute it was posted…it's like really? How much time are you dedicating to internet surfing at work?…

I'm also greatly upset that my weight is climbing even as I count calories, drink water, and jog for half an hour 3+ times a week. I've even included some strength training for good measure and yet here I sit, borderline overweight.

So I thought finding somewhere to vent might help. I feel bad dumping everything on my bf.


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