I never know what to do about friends and relationships. Is it normal for a friend to not text you back? I somehow dont think so. She texts me when she is bored or has a question or needs support. Often times (like yesterday) she and I text for a while, then suddenly she drops off the face of the earth for the rest of the day. Sometimes up to 3 days. In mid conversation. She doesnt give me any hints that she is going to go or that the conversation has ended. She just disappears and stops responding. When she does contact me again there is no mention of what happened.
I know that she probably gets busy and tied up in something. From my end it hurts though. I cant tell what happened and so my mind always assumes things like "I talked to her too much", or "I opened up to her too much and let her see too much of the real me" or "she just wants me to be her friend but doesnt want to have to be mine". it doesnt help that most of the time she disappears after I have said something personal.
I've struggled with friendships my whole life. I am starting to think that maybe some people truly arent meant to have friendships. Maybe I am unfriendable? I do have some serious issues trusting people and it takes me a very long time to open up. People always seem to assume that if they have been your friend for 6 months they know all about you……when they find out that I have barely shared much they tend to get upset. Maybe the fact that I cant trust people right away means that I shouldnt try to make friends?
My therapist had said that it was ok to have friends who you kept at arms length. Then I have to ask…..how is that different from the lady at the grocery store counter? If thats all I need is someone to ask how I am and listen to a quick fake answer then respond in kind……I dont really need friends then. I can get that at the department store or somewhere like that.
Is it possible to live a healthy, happy life completely on ones own? I have trouble fitting in anywhere. I have trouble trusting people. I'm not the most socially talented or confident or charismatic. Perhaps not everyone is meant to be connected to others in a strong way. Perhaps its ok for me to not have friends and not worry about it?
Any thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated. I really am trying to work this out in my head and for myself.