It’s been a really long time since I posted on here. It’s been a while since I actually checked my account.
I apologize to the friends I was in contact with – for when I dropped off the face of the earth. Life took a different direction with me =)
Jay and I broke up. Things just couldn’t work out. I obviously took on a task I couldn’t handle. I thought I could over come things from the past, I thought I could handle things now… but what it boiled down too was this:
After some wounds have been made you just can’t seem to get them to heal. No matter what / I cared for him, I loved him but in the end I just couldn’t move on from things done and words spoken and everything seemed like one big lie. I was living a lie. What is a relationship with no honesty? And all I could do was live my life day to day and hoped that someday I could snap out of it and we could be happy again – like we once were. It just wasn’t an option in my heart.
I ended up hanging out with some friends. I ended up meeting a new friend. And somewhere along the line I lost myself and lost track of what was going on and I ended up falling in love. It’s weird how sometimes, you’re just minding your own business and suddenly, something is dropped in front of you. Its there but you don’t see it at first – then after a moment you start to become destracted by the intriguing new object and watch it grow.
I’ve since moved out from living with Jay. I moved into my own place (sorta, I have a room mate. Very sweet woman, Christine and her 3 adorable dogs with my 2 annoying kitties – I love them though heh). I spend the majority of my time with Shane (the new man in my life) and all his funky friends and their shananagins. His family is wonderful. I literally have everything I have ever wanted, wished and dreamed of.
I still get emotionally retarded. Sometimes I feel like I should be waking up – but then realize I am only waking up in Shanes arms =) This whole expierence had literally been the best month or so of my entire life. I can’t remember the last time I actually felt this genuinely happy. I feel complete. I trust him completely. It’s not like past relationships where I had a 6th sense of something going on behind my back (because it was). I trust him. I love him unconditionally and I NEVER want to be with out him. He’s my best friend.
My friends love him. Which is a first for them all to agree on. I haven’t introduced him to my family yet. I’m a bit scared. I’m afriad of them scaring him away lol. I’ve met his family and the majority of all his friends. His family seems to like me. His mom had even told him she thinks I’m good for him =)
I still miss Jay from time to time. Just because at one point I was so close to him and I loved him. But I’m not the same person – he’s not the same person (although sometimes I think I never really knew him at all). I know all this will pass. Mostly due to the fact I never dwell on it. I don’t dwell on the relationship like I used too =)
I can’t stop smiling – this is insane! True love is insane =)