I had another day in this course thing today. Another day of me trying to dodge awkward questions. Its like this thing is like a session with a psycologist, but with another person in the room. Its really awkward. I tried to avoid the questions, but when there is only one other person in the class, its kinda hard. Today was all about self esteem. I had to answer all these questions on this sheet about how I think.. The object was to see how negative thoughts effect you. I answered YES to all but 2 of the questions on the sheet. The teacher asked me about it. So then I was bascially forced to come out and say that I’m suffering depression as well as a few other things. SHe then wanted to know if I was getting help, taking medication and all this stuff, that really is none of her business. I got so mad… and embarassed. I just wanted to walk right out of there. I can’t do things like this. I cant just open up to people.. especially in group situations. I felt like crying. I hate it. I really don’t want to go back. She said that there is another class about how to deal with anxiety coming up. I told her that "i’d look into it"… knowing that I probably wont. Group therapy is just not my thing. Its hard enough for me when there is just me and the therapist. Do they really not understand this? I really hate that my case worker is making me do this.

Had some bad thoughts today. Especially when I was on the bus going over the bridge. All I was thinking about was just getting off on the next stop and jumping. I couldn’t stop thinking about it the entire time I was waiting at the waterfront. Its like I get these thoughts in my head, and they take so long to leave. They seem like great ideas.

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