"Your stalker called yesterday" was how I was greeted when my boss walked through the door this morning. He was talking about my ex, Mike. He also calls him "the other guy". Since I am "the baby" of the company. No one much pays attention to my "boyfriends" or guys I date. Because I am expected to date a few guys before settling on "the one". Everyone here is very supportive of my choices though. In most cases that is. When Mike and I first split – my 2 bosses seemed to feel for me. They liked Mike. But thats Mike for you. He has this plastic exterior that he shines through to others. Needless to say my bosses were taken in by it. Till they slowly started to learn of the secrets that went on at home. The fights, the screaming, the sadness inside of me from it all. And eventually the slap. Anyone who knows my ex thinks he’s a monster. I usually agree. He really was a monster. No matter how much he wants to make it all my fault, it’s not. The lies are his only shelter. I may have done things the wrong way to try and get him away from me at times… but in the end… he has no one to blame but himself. I doubt that would ever come to pass though. He feels he has no blame. Mike never really cared about me anyways. Which is why, I could care less what happens to him now. I spent enough time babying him. Building his ego when he didn’t deserve it. He’s an emotional vampire and I am the blood bank. He drank me dry till there was nothing left.

I am much happier now. Things aren’t as much of a crisis situation anymore. I can sit back, relax and ease into anything. I don’t feel like I am walking on eggshells anymore. I can stomp my feet as I damn well please. I happen to be stubborn, hard headed and free spirited. Which doesn’t mix well with being a caged animal. Which is what I had become. I felt like I was always lashing out like an animal cornered. But now I am free again. So I fear almost nothing, not even death. I love life. There are times I panic a bit.

Lately growing old has been scaring me. I don’t know why. I have this feeling that life is going by to quickly. I feel like is running so fast and I can do nothing to catch up with it. It’s really odd and strange. I never had this problem before. What’s worse is… I’m only 24 years old! I shouldn’t feel like this till my 40’s… right? I dunno. *smirks* it does seem a bit silly to me when I actually think about it.

1 Comment
  1. fschubart 12 years ago

    DOn’t feel so bad. I know exactly how that can be. I was with my ex for years and thought I knew her so well and even started believing her that everything was my fault. I’d always just try to keep the peace. She truly was a pathological liar, and most of the time, I’m not sure she didn’t believe her own lies. She felt that she was never to blame for anything and had no remorse for the things she’d done. You could watch her do something, and she’d do what she could do to convince you that she didn’t. We kind of had our falling out when I told her that anymore, if she said it was snowing outside, I’d assume it was raining. And then the "Oh, I  guess you don’t trust me."  What she didn’t know, is that people tell me things and eventually I find things out. The humiliation and everything that comes with it. When I see her now, I just cross the street and go the other way.

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