Sometimes you would hear an addict say “One good thing about getting clean is you get your feelings back. The bad thing is you get you feeling back.” I know what this means. Today I went to see my friend Eddy S. I spoke of him in the past. He is one of the best examples of a grateful recovering addict that will not pick-up no matter what. Eddy is a lot like my father in many ways. He’s addict, He is battling Cancer for the second time in his recovery and right now loosing. When my father died from Cancer he had over 12 years clean. Getting to know my dad at the age of 28 was one of many blessings I have received from getting clean and NA. Eddy has made many, many friends in his 23 years of recovery. Many of us would go to his house and hold a meeting when he got to sick to go out. House meetings are the best. At the last one he was beginning to realize that he was loosing the fight. He was angry, sad, scared, confused and grateful all at the same time. It was very hard to talk about anything any of us were struggling with but we did. I think he wanted to hear it too if even for a minute take his mind off his problems. He was very good at thinking of others before himself. He was hospitalized last Thursday and I was told today by his wife that he will not be going home. He’s in a lot of pain and pretty drugged up but he knows what is going on. I held his hand and he told me ”I’m not going anywhere” I replied “Neither am I”. On my way home from the hospital both Saturday and today I saw a “TentCity”. You know people who have lost there home and now live in tents placed under the highway. I have seen them on the news but never in person. It broke my heart. I wondered how can this be in this great country of our. Then I pulled into my driveway went into my house and laid eyes on my beautiful wife and daughter. I am blessed. In a short amount of time I felt sadness, anger, confusion, faith, hope, and gratitude. I would rather feel all these emotions then not feel and be numb today. It was a good day.                   

4 Comments
  1. old_crazy_woman 13 years ago

    darlin what can i say…your in my prayers as is your friend.may god bless  you always..and as for what you saw with the tent city.for by the grace of god go i…the more we believe and hold on to the faith that we have things will get better…love ya always…

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  2. grace_4u2 13 years ago

    Dear Jeff,

    Yes we can surely be grateful for our feelings today because we have worked to get them back. Not an easy task. I was just crying yesterday because I was happy because I was able to feel buried emotional pain. I am sorry for you and your much loved friend.Through this program we learn to value life and honor the fragility. God bless you and your family, your father and your beloved friend. You say it well jeff, love you grace

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  3. newwayoflife 13 years ago

    dam makes me think (ouch) sorry bout ur friend! funny we can bail out the banks but fuck the people. I have allway’s said fuck the banks & wall street help the people.

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  4. blueflame666 13 years ago

    I am very sorry for your friend. Aside from the tent city which I too agree with newwayoflife below and what he said.  I commend you on your attitude that’s awesome. I remember that saying because I say it to myself everyday and how so true it is my friend.  Everyday is a beautiful day when it’s a sober day.  Take care and I wish your friend all the best.

    – Jimmy

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