I’ve wanted to talk to someone about my anxiety for years. The problem is I can’t seem to make myself do it. Heck I can’t even make a dentists appointment without freaking out about it.  Just joining this online thing took my an incredibly long time.  I can’t help feeling like my presence will annoy or bother someone.  And I feel like that is basically what I feel all the time.  Like my existence is a hassle for other people and I just want to get out of their way as quickly as possible.
It’s not all bad, my constant state of worry has lead me to be a good person who really cares about people, mostly because I want to make sure that the people around me know that I value them and will support them regardless of their issues. I don’t want my friends to feel like I do.  And I know that they do care about and love me, and I can’t imagine not having them at all.  I am so incredibly lucky to have these people who I know would support me if I were brave enough to ask them to.  But I don’t know what to ask them, my fears of making phone calls and going to bars is embarrassing and hard to explain. I don’t really understand it myself, for the most part people are nice to me, and I have no reason to feel as nervous as I do around them.  I like to think I’m a fairly logical person, but for some reason logic doesn’t help here.  It’s a gut reaction and I want it to stop bossing me around.

So I’m going to try and make positive changes.  Not sure exactly how yet…. But I think even writing this much has been good.

Baby steps.

5 Comments
  1. dude 4 years ago

    Thanks for the writing. You just told a major part of my story. I’ve been here 6 days and haven’t done anything but message.

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      penny-century 4 years ago

      I’m really trying to push myself to write a bit, on here mostly for myself. Initially I was very “no one wants to read this stuff” But I’m not forcing anyone to read anything, and it’s pretty therapeutic, the fact that people can read it is a bit scary but everyone has been very kind so far. I’m glad you read it and I hope you write something soon!

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  2. fhlchick 4 years ago

    Hi there,
    I hope you are able to make positive changes for the better. I’ve found a breathing practice helpful- a simple one is to breathe in for two counts, and breathe out for four. The more oxygen available to the brain, the more our brain has available to cope with and manage anxiety. It also helps calm the physical symptoms of anxiety. I know it sounds so ridiculous but it really does help me. There are many great websites and apps out there that can assist you with these types of exercises. I also practice yoga and meditation. These help me a great deal! Also, please don’t be afraid to seek help if you need it! I hope this helps you and others! 🙂

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      penny-century 4 years ago

      Thank you! I have tried some breathing exercises and they are super helpful, but sometimes I totally forget about them or my mind wanders and I have problems focusing. Meditation is an excellent idea, maybe that could help me focus more. I will definitely look into that

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      • fhlchick 4 years ago

        Yeah! I find guided meditations are especially helpful, especially those for anxiety and relaxation. Meditation does take patience but it gets better with time. I hope you have some luck with it!

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