I’ve wanted to talk to someone about my anxiety for years. The problem is I can’t seem to make myself do it. Heck I can’t even make a dentists appointment without freaking out about it. Just joining this online thing took my an incredibly long time. I can’t help feeling like my presence will annoy or bother someone. And I feel like that is basically what I feel all the time. Like my existence is a hassle for other people and I just want to get out of their way as quickly as possible.
It’s not all bad, my constant state of worry has lead me to be a good person who really cares about people, mostly because I want to make sure that the people around me know that I value them and will support them regardless of their issues. I don’t want my friends to feel like I do. And I know that they do care about and love me, and I can’t imagine not having them at all. I am so incredibly lucky to have these people who I know would support me if I were brave enough to ask them to. But I don’t know what to ask them, my fears of making phone calls and going to bars is embarrassing and hard to explain. I don’t really understand it myself, for the most part people are nice to me, and I have no reason to feel as nervous as I do around them. I like to think I’m a fairly logical person, but for some reason logic doesn’t help here. It’s a gut reaction and I want it to stop bossing me around.
So I’m going to try and make positive changes. Not sure exactly how yet…. But I think even writing this much has been good.