When I was in fourth grade, my father was hospitalized and we weren't sure if things were going to be okay. My mom found him at home and told me that he'd had a heart attack. He pulled through and I was never happier to have him home.
Yesterday, they told me the truth.
My father attempted suicide. He said that might have been once of two times that he'd seen Grandpa cry. The depression runs in the family and I'd always known this. Well, now he's suicidal again and I've never been more scared or on edge in my life. I can't believe that a this is the stress, worry, and panic that I've put my parents through over the years. At first, I wasn't sure how they managed but now I know the answer. Love.I've always known that it's almost constantly affecting my dad in some way, but it never hindered his ability to be a great father.
As children, he would always play with us when we asked and he had a blast with us. He would make us laugh so hard we'd have tears streaming down our faces. Hestilldoes that. He's always made sure that everyone has enough to eat and that they're eating good food, and he takes great joy in preparing it and serving it to everyone. He could always make the most mundane chores and errands into a grand adventure, as if no one had ever gone to the grocery store the wayhewent to the grocery store. If he ever yellsat us for going something wrong,hecomes come back and apologize for getting angry. He supports every decision I make and allows me to grow in the way that I want to and he continues to love me for it. I don't think he really hid his depression, I just learned to love every part of who he is, depression included.
However, I've never learned how to deal with having a suicidal parent- only a depressed one. I was hoping that some of you on here that have experienced this might have some tried-and-true advice for me. I don't want to leave him alone but I also don't want to crowd him. All day while I'm at work, I feel like I can't breathe because I don't know where he is at all times or who he's with if he's with anyone at all. I want him to be happy, but I also know that when I'm depressed, it makes me feel even worse when people try very hard to make me happy. So far he hasn't attempted anything [that I'm aware of] but I know for sure that it's on his mind. It's weird that I've been in the same situations as him and yet I'm at a loss with what to do when it's someone else.