So I didn’t log on last night, i simply couldn’t be bothered, I was exhusted from doing lots of shopping, and i didn’t get much sleep the night before, so an early night, and plenty of sleep was in order.

Nothing of particular interest happened yesterday. Just followed mum around like a lost puppy most of the day. But i did leave the house, so I guess that was something.

Today i left the house too, i finished off my christmas shopping, and brought my Hamlet book that i was wanting to get. I took the bus into town with my little sister and my grandmother. Did my shopping, and then made my way back home.

Mum has gone out to her work christmas dinner, and isn’t home still. I’m here at home with my sister, we decided to make it a "girls night in" sort of affair.  We hired out a few movies, and brought chips and popcorn.

Here is where my story goes sour. I went to the liquor store, and brought a 10 pack of UDL’s. (pre mixed drinks). To make it worse, i started drinking in front of my sister. I even offered her a sip. I wouldn’t give her a can or anything, but i did offer the sip. She liked it.  I’m onto my 4th can now, and i’m feeling it a little. Not drunk yet, but i feel it.

So i failed. I went a week without drinking, then i couldn’t resist, and to make it worse i did something i didn’t want to do, and that was drink infront of my sister. When she knew i was drinking, she was begging me not to get drunk and throw up, so i guess that says something to what her opinion of my drinking is.

I feel like such a failure… I’m usless. .. I fucked up… Yet AGAIN……….

1 Comment
  1. BeOptimistic 12 years ago

    You are not useless.  And sometimes we stumble backwards on our road to recovery. 

    On the positive side, you spent some time with your sister, watching movies, had snacks.  I bet you even laughed a bit.

    I wish you strength and will power, you can do this, just don”t give up trying.

    Hugs, Patty

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