Why this unending restlessness?

Even in a room full of people, we feel lonely. Not because of the lack of connections, but by its shallowness. we talk, we share ideas and thoughts, but our feelings always feels inconceivable, as if it were locked away in an alien dimension, too distant to reach, too ambiguous to understand.

This fragility, transforms into an insecurity and we are caught in a infernal loop. We love to love, but we are too disappointed to try. Because most of our relationships are fleeting; they happen, they peak, and then they slowly fade out of existence. We give up . We give in to despair, because something as simple as love and happiness, seems so unreachable. We are friendly souls, but are broken because we cant live with that which we love the most, so we shut off all connections. Look up at the lonely stars, maybe we will find solace, in the loneliness they share; wrapped in nothing but the darkness of the universe, a little speck shining, on its own.

Forget about romantic relationships, but those supposed to be linked with blood, they shatter so easily, they run so empty, so feeble, it breaks my heart. we are unable to  be understood by our own blood. At the same time, our love is absolute, but it is unrequited, so what’s the use?

And so we lament in despair, convinced that love and happiness are all but illusions conceived by the fragility of our minds. A fantasy to escape this morbid reality. Maybe over the years, we have been brainwashed to believe in everlasting and absolute things, like eternal love and freedom.

it is said that intimacy is the opposite of loneliness . Not the physical kind, but the emotional one. Entwined to the soul with the things we love. There is a certain purity to it. But it is hard to survive. It is hard to be this way and feel okay in this modern world; so superficial, with things so fleeting; the faces of people, relationships, sadness, happiness.

I know somewhere deep down, we still hope. We cling to the promises of being loved as much as we love.  Maybe it is a curse, bound to never know of the love we give.  So we drift in reality, we forsake our dreams and ourselves, because our life is filled with futility.

I think, it is not consolation we need, it is to be shown, that we are not alone, that there are people like us out there,  so pure at heart , they will make you cry. We are selfish, we look to fill the voids in ourselves first, it is human nature. But is there people with a selfishness that doesn’t hurt others, a selfishness justified. Truth is a belief. Its a religion in it’s own.

Who am i to be?  How do i find my place, in a reality that is tearing apart  my soul and the beliefs in my core. Everything is ephemeral, but i long for the eternal.  Is it madness, to be wanting something so intangible?

Do any of you relate to this dark philosophy or is it just void? Are you lost, looking for the same things too?

4 Comments
  1. jayce 2 years ago

    that was very touching to read…

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  2. shelby7 2 years ago

    This is everything I’ve thought about that I could never put into words. I knew everything you said as I read it. I needed this.

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    • Author
      witheringrose 2 years ago

      Thank you so much, it is lovely to know i’m not a madwoman fighting an intangible war all alone. I hope one day you find better than what you are seeking. 🙂

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