I am not a lovefool. I never have been.

Since September, I've learned a few things:

1. People can change.

2. I can and have changed.

3. People who don't want to change, won't.

I have never been one to believe men's BS. But this one guy—lets call him…Jack (just for the hell of it.)–literally turned my world upside down. We had nothing in common besides a connection–a really, unbearably strong connection, which made eachother be either at eachothers throats or in eachothers arms at all times (not literally, we weren't physical–but we were like magnets–one goes one way, the other follows). I honestly thought it was meant to be. Then again, i'm 18. Who the hell knows what I was thinking. I was too stubborn to admit my feelings and so was he, so I shouldn't have been surprised when he obtained a girlfriend. Of course, my stupid mouth got me into trouble; I poured my feelings out to him, and he felt the same way. Unfortunately, he had feelings for the girl–it's been well over half a year and he's still talking to me, stringing me along. I honestly feel like it's a cat and mouse game. I don't even know why i'm pouring my heart out right now. Anyways, I have a strict moral code against cheating (i've been cheated on before, it's not fun) so I refuse to do anything with him. I realized that he's never going to leave her so I wiped him out of my life, deleting his contact and anything he's very sent me, and anything that reminds me of him. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I've been having panic attacks because of the change…I just became so used to being second best I forgot what it felt like to be anything else. Once I realized what I had to to do, I got that nasty throw-up feeling..seriously, I sat and FOCUSED on not throwing up for an hour and a half.That was Sunday. Now, i'm still tired and i've been having panic attacks periodically…I don't know what to do. I just want to feel better.