I have been with this guy for 6 years.  He’s terrible to me.  I’ve never cheated on him or been unfaithful but I can’t say the same about him.  He’s always flirted with women in my face or behind my back doesn’t matter to him.  When he went away to school for three years, he kept a seperate life with his classmates and friends and I was always excluded.  His female friends and I could never be friends because he would have inappropriate relationships with them and they could never even look me in the face or talk to me when they would see me. 

He comes home from school and talks about getting married…..

I just found out 3 weeks ago that he had Facebook and that he had it for years.  The pics. and emails on there broke my heart.  Of course he always promises to change and be a better partner….

Last night, I was sick but I went with him to a fundraiser for breast cancer awareness, he started flirting with his childhood friend’s new girlfriend and then in my face, he tells these guys that now that he’s a doctor he’s going to get "mad p***y".  Argh!!!

I KNOW that he is awful, and the truth is that I know I can do better.  However, as awful as he is to me, I am compelled to stay with him.  A friend of mine thinks that this may be because my father left when I was a child and that I’m trying to prevent the same thing from happening again…

I suffer because I WANT to leave the relationship but am helpless to do so…even though I obsess about how awful and hurtful he is to me.  I just don’t understand how I can be with someone who is so awful 🙁  The worst part is I don’t think I really love him…how could I love someone like that?  I just want to walk away….


  1. buffster 13 years ago

    \..a sad reality in life is that we are more often than not drawn to that which is the worst for us..perhaps its because its considered "taboo" or "forbidden fruit"..we know & recognize that which we know’ we should have but somehow it doesn’t excite us..you know "you" better than anyone in the world & as such know in your heart of hearts why ur doing this..however please remember that just because we have devoted so much time & energy into a relationship does not mean’ we should stick it out 2 the end so we did not waste all that "time" if it is counterproductive & destructive to our well-beings.."comfortable ruts" have a way of sapping our will & drive to move forward & live our lives to the fullest..ponder this long & hard & come to a conclusion you can live with years from ‘now..good luck & be strong..\

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  2. rena0580 13 years ago

    I am sorry that you are having to go through this situation. I can understand though. I have had a couple of detrimental relationships myself. They may not be the same as what you speak of, but they were not ones that were beneficial to me in the slightest. Regardless of the fact that I knew that, I still had a very difficult time ending any of them. I have not had healthy parental relationships throughout my life and have had many periods of time when one or the other was absent. I definitely think this is a contributing factor. Whenever I have someone in my life close to me, I have a very difficult time letting them go. I don’t like the change, and I always fear I will be left alone. Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t just better to still have someone, whether they are good for me or not. At least I am not alone. Sometimes, too, I fear that I allowed these relationships to happen because, though they were not good for me, in a way that made things easier. In the back of my mind, I always knew they wouldn’t work or last, and that kind of kept me off the hook a little from the thought of lasting committment. I have a difficult time with the concept of that, and a bad relationship is always an excuse. It keeps you monogamous and distracted, but at the same time there is always an excuse to keep a distance and remain guarded. I don’t know, I feel as if I am just babbling, but I hope maybe you can gather something from what I have said. I hope you get to a point where you can get away from this relationship, because you do deserve much more. I do, however, know how hard it is to actually do that, and I am here if you ever need support.

    Have a great day!


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  3. BrightEnigma 13 years ago

    Aww, sweet pea, you don’t need that type of person in your life. I’m sorry to say this, but your relationship is toxic, and you’re not the one that’s throwing in the toxic waste, he is.

    I know how it is to want to stay in a relationship because you are intrigued/in love with that person, but if he continues to keep causing pain, you must let him go, there is no need for him.

    I don’t know if it’s because of your father that you don’t want to leave him, but you must break away, you will feel so much better after you do. You will feel, for lack of better words, free from the hurt and pain that the relationship has caused you.

    In due time, if you do decided to leave him, you will see that you are probably much happier than you were in that relationship.

    (Sweet pea, I hope this helps, no one should ever have to endure a relationship- no matter what kind- like this)

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  4. jalls216 13 years ago

    I am so thankful for the helpful and wise advice that I have received from you all.  Although the replies are different, the message is the same: I need to dump this jerk.  I must admit, I was scared to be so open about this situation, afraid of being judged.  However, since the day I became a member here, I have found so many warm and empathic individuals on the Tribe.  I truly do appreciate everyone’s comments and would like you all to know that your message was well received.  Wish me luck and I will keep you guys posted 🙂 

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