It has been a few months since I started the new medications. Ive had some serious complications/side effects that have caused the entire process to be nothing less than frustrating. Still, I keep with the regime in hopes that there will be some progress. Right now, I am in an obvious deep depression. Not leaving the house.. and even so, having serious issues with being alone. Im not doing simple daily tasks.. even catch myself going days without basic hygine rituals. It stings to admit. I had so hoped for something better by now. Tomorrow is my 15 mins of blah. In other words, I see my doctor. It takes longer for me to travel to his office than it does for him to evaluate me. I try to be as honest as I can about my condition each and every time… and now.. I think Ive reached a point where medication change is warranted. I hate to do this. Espeically considering my recent experiences with the meds. But, I dont know what else to do. Im trying to avoid another hospitalization. But Im getting desperate here. How one can go on like this.. I dont know. Ive alienated people to the point that I have few left I can call on. I often wish I just had one friend that could visit and keep me company. But alas, there isnt anyone aside from my partner (who tries beyond belief) to sooth my lonliness. I want for something better.. for something more. I want to have *good* days. I want to accomplish something without edpending all of my energy & spirit. So, I suppose I have to face my fears over and over again.. in hopes that at some point they will find something.. anything to help me. It has been a long and difficult struggle.. and I continue to press on… but it is getting more and more difficult… I wont lie. So heres to hope.

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