Yep, it appears I'm hermetically sealing myself into the house and my own head. I already didn't like leaving the house to begin wth, but now I'm even more anti-departing. I'm also sleeping a heck of a lot. I've gone from insomnia with poor sleep when I succeed in sleeping, to going to bed the minut I get home from work and sleeping until time for work again (11-12 hours). The sleep's still poor – I wake up a lot – but I just want to crash when I get home from work and stay crashed until time t get up again. Consequently, things like keeping up the house, bills, etc are beginning to slip off of my radar, in addition to not talking to friends anymore.

I keep having these brief angry thoughts every now and then. Not sure why, and then I feel reproachful because I keep responding to that anger with "Why am I angry, why does it have to be about me?" Not sure why the recent selfishness surge. Not angry like rage, flip tables, but just a little angry voice that pipes up in the back of my head a couple times a day, asks a stupid question, and then goes back to sleep. Pretty easy to ignore, but I'm still wondering where it comes from.

later edited: Wow, I'm really starting to sound like I'm slipping. I'm really not an entirely tuned-out little ball of rage, though I do appear to be on my way to a full tune out. No bueno. I'm really hoping my friend can visit next month . It's not fair to her to put the expectation of help on her shoulders… but she's the only person I know that can get inside my head and pull me out again (or pull my head out of my a** – same thing, really….). If she visits, it will do me an incredible world of good. She won't respond to me about it, so I have a sinking feeling that she's probably not able to visit. I've started looking at additional online support options. I have GOT to climb out of this, the slope is getting slippery.