I am still struggling with a friend who says he likes me. The struggle is this: I don't feel the same and we will probably never see each other again. I can't seem to make it clear to him that I just don't feel the same. When I created the new social media account, I tried really hard to separate myself from people I didn't really associate with. Sadly, most of them are from the vocational school I went to. There is so much drama between them and it makes me angry I guess. In my opinion most of the people there only care about superficial things: being in a relationship (regardless of other areas of their lives), looks and creating drama. While I was there, I managed to find the "good" people in the crowd. Most of my friends were mature enough not to get involved in the drama that seemed to surround the place. I'm not saying we never had our own drama but we worked through it and kept it to ourselves, as apposed to telling the world. There are only a few people I "take off my mask" for. With those I am not close with, I attempt to be friendly but inside I wonder how they can be so…superficial. Why do so many care about their looks, relationship status and having the "hot" items of the year? I thought this was something I was done with, at least in my environment. Drama is for children, tweens and teens, not adults. This is all just my opinion but still.
I think all of the above keep me from trusting. Not just with people but with God (I hate admitting that). I wonder why things happen, I question His motives too much. I wish I could just let go and trust…but I can't hand over the reins, so to speak.
I don't know how to begin to start. I guess I need to start with the church I have been attending. I can't get past feeling stupid and embarrassment. I know I am jumping around. I do have ADHD after all haha
Back to this guy…I hate to be mean but I really feel I can't make him understand how I feel–or don't feel.
I am just venting and letting off steam. I don't mean to insult anyone. I find I need to write out so I don't vent seek other, more destructive methods…But I haven't gone there in quite some time.