My sponsor has me out of relationships for a year. And the longer I go the easer it is. This year began in Oct of 07. And you know it does get easer the longer you go… But there is one flaw in this whole thing… the relationship that ended in Oct well yea… my fuck up made it end… And for a long time I tried everything I could to fix it… yea that did not work either… surprise surprise… so I am single today and that is going to be the way it stays for a very long time.  You know what I am finding I have been in relationships with a few different people and have even been married to a couple of them… and I can honestly say that what I thought was love was no where near that… I was in love with the idea of being in love… so when you actually do fall in love… and it ends…. The amazing amount of pain that come with that. The Pain that I have felt over the last 9 months has been greater then any I have ever felt before. You go threw I don’t cares, the not leaving the house for a week, the throwing your self into work, the no eating, Man what a roller coaster… I had to get to the point where I really had to get off that ride. Then I had to also realize that you know what I was not the only one that had a part in this. But taking his inventory is not my job… and realizing that he is new in recovery and that he still acts as if the behavior he had while drinking is ok is his shit and not mine and I have to sit in a corner and watch So I then have to understand that regardless of what I believe or feel I have to let him go and be who he needs to be and do what he needs to do. So on this journey I have learned a whole lot abut me and a whole lot about what I do and do not want…. And today I think I will stick with I do not want any of it …I know  today I am not willing to put myself back out there….. And today I am ok with that. The Heart I am finding takes a long time to heal…


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