i slipped up saturday. i dont even feel right saying slipped because it makes it seem so minor and its not a minor issue. i was having a really good day that day with daughter having a girls day out we went to the a movie and went shopping. and for some reason when i got home the next thing i wanted was to run out and get something i sat there going back and forth about it and then finally i gave in so i called my boy to get some but didnt get a an answer i said ok well that means i need to stay home and work thru this. i didnt want to ask my man to go out because i promised him i was gonna really try to not get high. then a little while later my boy called me back when i saw the number i said ok i can ignore it or i can pick up. i pick up asnd that was the start. i told myself as always do i will just get a 20 this time and then i want go back out. i ended up spending about 300 hundred that night. only because i couldnt get anymore money out the atm. i hate myself for doing that. and once again im starting over. sometimes i think my family would just be better off if i was nit here. i just hate going thru this stupid cycle. i had an uncle that was a crqackhead also it his brother passsing for him ti get his self together. and now he has been clean since 2008 and has a great job and supportive girlfriend. so im happy for him. my man is the only one in my fsmily that knows my addiction and he tries to help but i know if i push him hard enough he gives in to me. and right now i just cant bring mysrlf to tell my mom or anyone else about my problem. it would break my moms heart and she is dealing with enough as it is she has breast cancer, sometimes i dont know what to do it or how to do it. im feeling angry confused frustrated. its a roller coaster of emotions.