4 months ago we decided to actively try to conceive. At that point, my body decided to shut down. Since the day we made that decision I have not ovulated nor have I menstruated. We have 2 months left together and I see no hope of a normal cycle in sight. I ask what to do and I get "go see a Dr." "try herbs" and "you're normal."

I think I know what is and isn't normal for my body. When I sit here and say that it's not normal for me to go more than 3 months without a period, then by god that means something's wrong! I ask "professionals" and get told "we can't help you without money". I take herbs that I was born and raised on and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, they will work… and yet my womb stays dead. I'm told it's stress… my stress didn't start until AFTER my periods stopped. I'm told to quit smoking. I quit smoking BEFORE we decided to attempt a family. I'm told it's my depression… my depression was fine until my periods stopped.

I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to punch someone. I want to rip my reproductive organs out of my body because they are obviously no good to me.

And to top it all off, I don't even want to have sex with my fiance anymore. When he attempts to initiate, I start to feel physically ill. And I feel absolutely horrible for it. It's not him. It's completely me. I know it lies in me and I feel like shit for it.

I just want to be normal again. I want to feel normal and look normal and love normal. I want to physically show my fiance how much he means to me and how much I love him and I can't. I'm dead inside.

What's left to do?

 

A little edit for anyone else that may read this:

NO, I'm not pregnant. I'm going into 16 weeks without a period. That would not only show on a pregnancy test (or the 7 that I've taken) but it would also show in the mirror.

NO, it's not stressed. I know this is hard to believe because EVERYONE is stressed out but really… I'm not stressed. I'm *stressing* over why my periods have stopped and why I can't bring myself to have sex with my fiance but I'm not *stressed* There's a huge difference. I know the difference. Especially in regards to my own body.

What I am experiencing is a physical shut down of my hormones and reproductive organs. I don't know why. Maybe it's a brain tumor. Maybe it's cysts. Maybe it's hypothyroidism. But it's NOT "just mental". It's not just that my periods have stopped. It's a full-blown lack of appropriate hormone levels and all of the symptoms that go with it. 

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