I don't even know where to start about today,
Well to sum up this morning, I was glad didn't have the week off like we do. So he went to work and what not but I still had to deal with mom…Ngh…Most of the day I spent in my room though.
But she wanted to make a 'list' about what we'd be doing this week…and some other things popped up, long-story-short It has be battling a major panic attack right now.
1. I found out wednesday my Aunt Mecca and Uncle Frank will be in town, so we're going to see them and my grandmother Wednesday and go out to eat…god…
I don't want to have to put up my guard but I know I will, my grandmother usually says something that causes me to snap and self-harm, or purge or something, and just the battle of hiding the fact i'm not eating.
Then Friday we're bringing my grandmother back over to our house to have another thanksgiving just with her….god help me….I just know it's going to be a major stresser.
2. Tomorrow we have to go out and run a bunch of errands, and also start getting the turkey (despite the fact I don't eat meat-whenever I do eat- she makes me help, and I just want to hurl) and I hate going to run errands…I always feel like i'm going to explode.
3. Thursday, Like I said we're going to Marie's for Thanksgiving, BUT I found out more people then I thought are going to be there
(One major reasons my anxiety is currently blowing up)
So, Now I found out it's going to be myself,Mom,Dad,Jonathan,Marie,Bruce,Kyle Dana-
Then Also Marie's brother Chucky, then Marie's other brother Fred (she also has a third brother, but they got into a fight and he won't be there, and her sister lives to far away)
plus Fred is bringing two (out of three) of his kids…
I was having so much trouble with just my family and Marie and her kids, Now with all the extra needless to say my anxiety is worse.
I haven't had so much 'human' contact in one week- hell not even in one year or more…Point is I don't know if i'm going to handle this well..
It's only Monday I know, But the week tends to go by very fast…Like I said, I really do hate the Holidays…
I'm trying to calm down right now, and trying…trying my best not to cut but I don't know if I can…
I hope everyone else in the tribe is having an alright Monday, I'll 'see' everyone later…Bye.