Last night, I resolved that I had to tell my doctor about my OCD today.  It seems Providential that I had already made this doctor appoint for this particular day then finally recognized my OCD for what it is only a few days ago.  I knew I had to get it out before I "got better" and chickened out.  My anxiety has been so bad that I know it could suddenly confront me with a full-blown attack again.

As displayed in my blog last night, just the thought of telling my doctor (my new doctor, at that) made me very anxious.

This morning, I started freaking out (in my head) about that I only saw two of my dogs out of their houses and they were staring at the house….  Where's the other one?!  Is he okay?!  He's been sleeping a lot lately; maybe he's sick!  Grrrr!  Why can't I stop thoughts like that?  They're ridiculous!  Yes, my dog is 13 and a half years old, but there is no reason to think he wouldn't be OK.  My dogs do this all the time; one of them will be sleeping, one or two will be staring at the house because they know I'm up….

When I went out to say hi before I left for my appointment, the third dog immediately got up and came to see me.  No trouble getting up at all…. I am ridiculous!

Thank God (and yes, I mean that–God had a lot to do with it!), they actually got me into see the doctor right away.  I was jittery–SO jittery!  When the nurse took my pulse, it was high.

I felt comfortable with my new doctor–what a relief!  I told him about suspecting I have OCD.  It was weird–it happened, though, I started blanking on my symptoms.  Why?!  How can something that so dominates your life ever escape your mind?!  I prayed and tried to focus and be honest about what I was feeling.  I told the doctor some.

I was actually a bit surprised when he said it sounded like OCD, because I felt like I hadn't presented enough evidence.  I was relieved, though.

Of course, as he himself said, he's not a psychiatrist, so he can't diagnose it. He prescribed prozac and told me to call in and schedule a follow-up….

Anyway, so we'll see how it goes.

Of course, now I start questioning if the appointment even happened or if maybe my doctor is just too confident and is wrong or is just telling me what I want to hear.  Aaaaaaaa!  Make it stop!



1 Comment
  1. giru 12 years ago

    wow , i went through exactly the same thing just yesterday lol

    i had already reconized ocd just over a year and a half ago. of course i already had it for years i just thought i was weird. any way my new years resolution was to go to the doctor after i finally cracked over the christmas period where i kept having on and off feelings i was about to cry while everyone else was having fun. I had the same exact problem, just my mum phoning to make an appointment made me anxious but actually going down there was horrible.i had to wait for half an hour in which i had a massive panic attack. i walked over to the board and started reading stuff and i calmed down. when the doctors door opened it came again though and i found it reeally difficult to talk to her and tell her my problems , i even had to pause a couple of times and think about what  i was going to say becuase i was stuggling to explain. it seems when i try to explain to people i just feel its stupid and unreal.when i finally said i think maybe ocd she nodded and said probably. so i'm now waiting for a phone call so i can go and speak to the psychiatrist and the psycologist so they can make their diognosis for certain. it would be nice to hear from you as your about to go through the same thing and see how you're doing with it. to anyone who hasn't been out of the same fears, it's tough but once you do it it gets something off your chest and i felt pretty good about myself.

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