Still nothing major to live for, all I want to be is high out my mind but I know I push people farther away while im like this. She hasn’t talked first in awhile so I feel like I annoy her now. She was that only person I really felt safe talking to and to think she’s kinda gone… I only have one other person I think I could lean on but I don’t know how to really talk to him. I don’t know if I even should, he’s a dealer that could just push me farther away from anyone in general. This weekend I wanted to try some dmt with him, he’s more experienced and I haven’t taken that before. Only hope to get some new ideas and art out of it, my history teacher liked the idea too. Bless that teacher, he’s so kind and helpful. A few weeks ago I went to him needing a ziploc bag beacuse the weed I got wasn’t sealed very good and overall reeked, he was calm about it and didn’t tattle. I constantly go his class to show him my drawings I make while high, he’s a big fan and has pushed me to publish and submit some it in places like the school’s magazine or just online. But I don’t know if I can take the turn and admit to him I have a problem. He’s cool with my heroin art aswell, I know this is so unbelievably wrong to say but I want to try it.. my art (specifically heroin) only depicts what it looks like on a physical level, spoons, needles, track marks, ect. I know it’s wrong but I can’t help but to take a slice too. I can easily get some and it’s cheaper than alot of things