I've been feeling really suicidal this week and I've cut myself twice. I feel so empty and isolated right now and I don't know what to do. I had a talk with my husband a few days ago about his behavior over the last few weeks and he admitted that he drinks too much, comes home too late and doesn't spend enough time with me…and since then it looks like he's actually changed his behavior…bur there's still one huge problem, which is his friends. His best friend is constantly in our house, and sleeps over an average of 5/6 days a week, and they do everything together….shopping, eating, watching movies,etc. There are random friends dropping in all the time when I haven't said it's ok.
E.g. last night the two of us stayed in together to watch a movie, and half an hour in one of his friends stops by and stays for half an hour. This made me really angry…can he not spend 1 hr alone with me??I tried to explain why I didn't like this but he just ended up yelling at me and told me I like to start problems. I really need this time alone without his friends constantly there to recover and heal and I really don't know if he's capable of doing this for me. I don't even know why we're married if he wants to see his friends 24 hours a day. He says it's his "culture" and that it will never change but I can't do this anymore. I cut myself before our argument and I've been suicidal for days. I told him I wanted to have a talk about this and he told me he wasn't in the mood and went out shopping with his friend. No clue when they'll be back.
I don't know how to stop cutting myself when I'm angry…. it all happens so fast and I don't know how to get rid of these feelings….I'm always alone in the bedroom and him and his friends are always in the living room when this happens…..I have no one to talk to,no one to call and I feel like one day I'm going to OD again except this time I won't come back.
Lucy,
I have been in your situation, with the cutting. You may benifit from a stay in a hospital. I know it sounds scary, but I've gotten so much help from a hospital stay. It would be a break from the constant drop ins and maybe your husband will see how you need help.
I think the first thing you need to do is find a way to stop the cutting. It is the most harmful problem I see at this time. I am not a doctor and all I can give you is my advice and support.
Go onto the Internet and look up behavioral hospitals in your area. Check them out if you consider going to one.
Or go into the chat room and into the Need Help room if you need someone to talk to.
Please find some help weather it is a therapist or a hospital.
Take care
Tess
Lucy, try write a loved ones name where you would cut in permenant marker, if it fades away naturally they have lived if you cut it you cut that person. Ut worked for me for a little while. But i havent got a permo to do it with anymore, if not a loved one try your fave animal or a butterfly. Life is worth living and if its really that bad and he wont listen maybe move on? I dont like the idea cause when my parents 'moved on' they bashed the crap out of me but if it gets to the point of suicide i wouldnt think its worth it.. Think positivly, happy thoughts go out with your friends and if you got none go find some! It will be okay i promise! If not let me know! I know how hard cutting is to stop. My whole arm is covered with cuts, scrapes and i dig my fingernails until it bleeds. It got outta control for me! Try not to let that happen. Dont kill yourself we are family here and id hate to see a member be lost..