My depression pales in comparison to the plight of many other souls—-who one wishes  one could spring from their hellish trap  with the  simple snap of a finger.I lost a close loved one–the pain and guilt,etc., subside as the months and years fall away.The loneliness ,which brings you to tears lingers on–but even that dread lifts a  little by slow degree.I find myself like a needy beggar seeking out companionship where i can.It's a need like eating.But i'm afraid of the price.Most people have their own needs ,many ego driven,which are not rational and don't mesh with mine on a spiritual/intellectual level.The pets give affection and love–and ask little in return.As oft been said.People, on the other hand, may require so much in return for their"attention"that one winds up in a deeper more cryptic spot than before.To find one true friend is more precious than—you name it. I had a friend like that once,and he proved his friendship more than once–even to his own detriment.H e committed suicide in his 20's. I remember him saying that,where he was from ,if a friend admired something of your's you gave it to him.Jokingly, once i told him i always wanted a watch he owned.He looked a little sad, took off the watch and put it on the table between us.Now,i felt bad! I told him i'm only joshing–he wasnot happy.I understood then that he took this friendship business very seriously.Me—-i didn't realize  the value of true friendship.He had been through a lot in his few years here on earth.Shot a t pointblank range in the face at age 13,ecaping by jumping out a second story building into the alley .Found by some passersby lying in the stree t: ,naked and covered with blood.He became a great musician and got over almost every block put in his way. Can't say i could ever be such a friend to another.He had a million female "friends" He always told people i was his only friend-maybe i should sit down some time and try to figure out how i earned it.


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