It has been an extremely hectic and confusing last 2 months. While I love my job, it is becoming somewhat overwhelming.

The holidays were of course hectic, my 13 year old daughter spent them 3 hours away with her dad. I don’t blame her, he is beginning his 3rd year with ALS, and it is progressing rapidly. I have her emotions and anxiety to unravel and calm. I am looking for a grief counselor for her.

My boyfriend and I are now talking about splitting up. Maybe it’s a good thing, mostly I’m not really upset, but sometimes I do fall apart. I have such mixed feelings about him and our situation.

I barely made it through the last semester of school, taking an extension on 2 classes.

I am relying on the clonazapam nightly now, and even sometimes taking it in the morning before work, but it makes me kind of groggy, and I can’t be that way when I am with my clients.  I think I may need something in addition to the Luvox. The repetitions in my mind are getting worse. It’s like the tower of Babel up there. I have tried to go back to meditation and soothing music at bedtime, maybe a scented candle, but my boyfriend stopped “allowing” me to do this, opting for the tv instead. I think I need an MP3 player .

To top it all off, saturday night, after about 3 weeks of steady lake effect snow here in South west NY, I got the car stuck in the driveway. While he was pushing me out, my B/F ended up tearing the MCL in his right knee. He is now on crutches, and facing surgery. And as a patient, he is a complete asshole. After he hurt himself, his parents came over to help with the car and I helped push, further injuring an already bad ACL in my shoulder, that I had surgery on last June. Because the pain hadn’t been easing up, last month the doc decided I may have RSD. I give up! Sometimes I just have to laugh, because if you think about it, the comedy of errors that is my life is just so damn funny.

To be serious, the only thing keeping me from admitting myself for a week (for the first time in my mental illness history) is my daughter. Focusing on her helps ease the rest of my life. Her problems haven’t really even begun.

 

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