There is no one else to blame for my troubles but me.  I am responsible for my thoughts and feelings.  No one else caused them.  I choose moment by moment how I respond to whatever is happening.  It has been 11 years since I joined this tribe.  The ups and downs have been numerous.  I still find myself very depressed in the winter time.  Suicide is no longer an option for me.  I choose to deal with my pain rather than cause my loved ones a lifetime of pain.  It is lonely and difficult.  I get moments of joy, laughter, and peace, and am grateful for those.