All I wanted was to see a woman who is my childrens grandma made comfortable, and happy in her finally days and what do they do… tell me that im two faced, a bitch, trying to get something, and now im not wanted, beaten, kicked out, and hurt beyond measure.

I tried to be there for a woman who is in hospice, who is lonely because she has hurt, and ruined many relationships in her life. And now she is left with a family of misfits, disfunctional, people, who are selfish and don't know how to look beyond themselves to help someone without personal gain.

Maybe I am the same way, maybe my personal gain is that I got to help someone when I cant be helped. That I could see past my pain and help someone through their's.

But noo she wants to take that away from me and because I respect the woman who is dying I walked away balling my eyes out. 

What do i do now?  This is what I want to do. Say F it all. Everytime I try, everytime i do for others, no matter what i get misuderstood, questioned, told im doing too much, asked "what are my motives?" Why cant it simply be accepted that I love and care and I dont want any thing. I am different!!

To the woman i care about I am sorry that she wont let me in to see you. You dont deserve this. I hope the last few days of your life are with out strife, much pain, and that you are as comfortable as possible. I also hope to see you in heaven after I pass but since the likelihood that I will be going there is slim if God doesn't let me in for what I do to die then I pray that you will be there with others.

I am done. I am tired of the pain. NO you know what I am not tired I and just not going to take it anymore. I have had it! I am giving up. I told my sons tonight they deserved a better mom!  

All this fighting, all this suffering, all the bullcrap because of me im done!!!