and what I am thankful for, is that I had an amazing mother, who was 1st my mother, and second my best friend. I am thankful, that she always supported me, *Other than my tramp stamp tattoo* she was always there for me, as my friend, and always listened to me, as my mom. She was the best mom a girl could ask for, and after dad walked out, she became my best frined, and I am forever grateful for that.


I am also thankful, that I had my amazing daughter. Even though her time here, was extremely short, and not long enough, she was a healthy happy baby, and she was the most loved child known to my family.


and im thankful, for amy, holly, jim, and jon, the four of them, really keep me going, when I don't want to, they are the four best friends, a girl could ask for, and I'm extremely grateful, and thankful to have them.


and last, but certainally not least, im thankful for my amazing boyfriend, jimmy, without him, i doubt i'd even have the strength to write this right now. he is one thing that is keeping me from doing something reckless. i love him so much, and he is the best thing that has come out of this year.



I had no idea that today was going to hit me as hard as it is. I had no idea I was going to feel this weak, and this sad. I knew it being the 1st thanksgiving without my mother, and the 1st thanksgiving without my daughter, that it would be hard, but I didn't know it was going to be THIS hard. But I am doing the best I can. I just wish for the holiday season to be over, I wish for this year to be over, because its just been pure hell. Right now, I'm extremely tired, and its been a hard day, just going to relax a bit, and maybe sleep some.

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 11 years ago

    It will hurt for a long time and the holidays will have shadow on the . You have been twice scarred, the scars willnot go away with time, but will lighten.  Most areas offer grief counseling. Please get some grief counseling.  It will help you with these terrible firsts. It also give you another avenue of support.  Right now it's all on you boyfriend. He may need support in supporting you. The pain will eventually lessen; but unti then surround yourself with support.

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