Hi everyone, I’m having a lot of trouble forgiving my wife and moving forward. We have been together for 15 years, married 10, 1 kid.
A few years back she starts going through this spiritual journey and wants to come clean with me. First thing she says is while we were dating I cheated on you with so and so. Just immediate heartbreak! I had every emotion you could name, I felt so betrayed and manipulated that I had married and created and started a life with this woman who had been holding this lie for a decade.
She was hiding things from me during this time that were suspicious, hiding her phone, going out, unexplained transactions, etc. she only confessed to this because she was caught. Morally this was the end for me I couldn’t imagine ever being able to look past this and I still presently feel the same way. I restarted therapy and started trying to get my own life in order thinking it was over for us.
Something was reluctant to leave, again morally divorce was frowned upon plus I didn’t want to put my daughter through all that. Needless to say she begged for me to stay and I caved in and have been here ever since. Then she continues to talk with the guy and meet up without me knowing. This was all a few years ago. A similar situation happened around a year ago and we “moved past it.” Now history is repeating itself again, she’s being very secretive but she is openly saying they are just friends, nothing to worry about. The way I see it even if they are just friends, her going over there and hanging out is just a huge slap in the face to me. She won’t let me meet him, she acts like my feelings about it are crazy and invalid and I should just let it go.
I really need some help! I’m sure I left so many details out but this is as short as I could get it. If anyone has any advice or input please send it my way, much appreciated!
-Shaun
Shaun,
I am so sorry to hear about this. I know what you are going through because my wife (now exwife). Did the same to me. She got caught too because she was stupid and wrote about him in a notebook i accidentally found. The guy was a very good friend who had a habit of fucking married women. I guess i should have known but i didnt because i never thought she would do that. I would never cheat so i guess i put that same moral stamp on her but i was wrong.
I dont know if i can give you any advice because my life is a mess anyway. Not because of what she did to me but for other reasons. I am still in my two childrens lives annd that is great. But a cheater will always cheat and unfortunately your has proven that point.
You might want to stay together for your daughters sake and just livevseperate lives. Be open as you can with her. I would tell my wife that if she continues with another man that she has made a choice that says marriage isnt what i thought. You can start seeing other women too and just let her know that is how it is going to be.
Oh and you will find it very difficult to trust anothervwoman again. I can and i have had more than a few serious relationships. I guess i just came to understand that women are born cheaters.
I am sorry to unload on you likd this. I do hope you can get past it all.
Jamie