I have been circling around for years myself. Wondering, wandering, the strange season of pain seemed to last far too long….
Then something huge changed for me, and now I am alone again. I am not as young as I am old now. But I am so easily happy and able to amuse myself. It is only when others become too involved that sh*t gets too chaotic for me to deal with. I need peace, serenity and stability. And if I have to be alone to get that, then so be it. But I was wondering if shutting down was the right thing to do. One friend said to me that it seemed a shame to him. Then the same old roommate called and acted like nothing abnormal had ever occurred. He still lives in total denial and I accept that he is doing the best he knows how to do. We can still be friends.
But mid-afternoon, my land-line phone rang. I didn't recognize the name on the ID, so I answered and it was my friend Chris. I haven't talked with him in over a year. He is living in California and feeling like he needs a change. I know that he is very tired. One only has to look at his pics to see just how hard he must be working. All for money.
For several years now, I have been trying to find someone interested in sharing my farm, on some level, on any level. I want some measure of freedom, but still maintain a home base, so I can travel sometimes, and still have my pets and my home in tact. To make the long story short, I held on, made the right changes, and the right decisions, and now the perfect person, my friend Chris has decided to come here with some friends, and see what we can do with this place. He knows I am older and need help. And that doesn't scare him. I will absolutely provide him a nice place to call home and make sure he is totally covered in case something ever does happen to me. And when this all finally comes together, every dream I ever had or imagined will have come true. I got a home, no one can take away. Check. I have a "family" – someone to share it with. Check. Someone that will love it like I do. Check. I will have new found freedom to leave things once in a while and go out and have a little fun. Check. Money matters and food issues, and all responsibilities won't be such a thankless task, but a pleasure, as I love to entertain and provide sanctuary for lost souls. hahaha Rescuer, check. No really. This time I have done my homework, done my leg-work, I know this young man. He is good people. He has learned some hard lessons and paid some serious dues. And I think the time has finally come where he is ready to work for himself. I will not be embarrassed that things aren't perfect. And I know that he can help me fix the things that can be fixed. In fact we are both painters, we both are musicians, and we both are highly interested in CE5. Also he understands that sometimes i need space to study, read, listen to music, write, sew, and basically play. And that's okay with him. And I know if I told him I needed to go out one weekend, he would cover me totally. I can trust him. When he called me this afternoon, out of the blue, he said that he "felt" that I had some "angels" looking after me. And that he was "wanting" to come to the farm pretty badly! I was so excited I almost jumped up through the roof! All my sadness is gone. All my doubts are gone. I am not alone anymore. It may take him a couple of months or not. Either way, I will be happy to see him and be glad I waited. Many other people have tried to win favor with me, but none could handle breaking a sweat, or understood what it really takes to run a property, a farm. Now I have a young man that does understand what that means, and he wants to work hard for himself, which is the only way to do it. He knows that the world is changing and that we should band together to be ready. Together, united, we can accomplish so much. And the money issues will work themselves out. Source has a way of providing. Can't explain it, but when you are good and kind, and you focus on the good stuff you have rather than what you don't have, things can change on a dime. In a New York Minute you can have everything your heart ever desired. Happiness can take many forms, but when you can recognize it right on the horizon, life seems very amazing, very good and very worth all the long agonizing painful lonely nites… When you have something good to share, and you find the right person who wants to share, to enjoy life, to create beauty, to be mindful, aware, awake and joyous, to help other people in the journey, then that is all there is, and I can want for nothing more… Twice in the past two weeks this phrase "your angels" has come up. I am now convinced! Not sure who they are or what they might look like, but right this minute, right this second, I believe in them one hundred percent, and I am so very thankful, so very grateful, I could almost explode. I got it right. I did something right. And now the payoff. For all the long years of hard work, now I can kick back, and enjoy myself. Freedom! It is magnificent! The first time the angel thing came up, I had taken in a foster dog from the shelter here, and felt totally sure she had heartworms. She was suffering, malnutritioned, just had puppies far too big for her little body, and I was worried for her. I just told the Angels in a prayer to God – "to take care of it." And the next day when I went to the vet and we were waiting for the lab test to show positive or negative, I kept feeling positive, like maybe there was hope. She is only one year old and a great sweet little dog. I believe she is a Mountain Feist and I am very thrilled at that idea. Look it up! Anyway, the girls finally came and stuck their head in after about 20 minutes and said NEGATIVE. The Angels heard me! They did their magic, their miracles. And Little Misty the shelter dog is not confused anymore, she is happy and playful and they were going to kill her because no one could get near her, as she was trying to bite. But I knew what to do, and she is fine now. I can't even imagine life without her. Although there are a few others around here that could… haha little dogs can really be jealous… hahaha
So a few words for the weary. Just hang on. Try to see the good you HAVE done! It is obvious to others. We are the most hard on ourselves. Dreams can come true. And this isn't the first dream in my life to manifest either. I am not bragging about any of it. I am the old poor single lady that has numerous issues. But even good things can happen to a poor chappy like me! Angels, I tell you! Angels! hahahahaha Happy nite everyone! Love and Peace to All!