Life is full of shitty surprises.  A little over 7 months ago, I was your typical high schooler, spoiled, sheltered, yet thought I knew life and what was going on.  Never did drugs, never drank, never got involved in drama, never a problem at school…Not one of the cool or popular kids, but I had friends.  I always got A’s and B’s. Really involved with my church and had my future planned. Go to college, maybe become a teacher or nurse, something like that.  Get married to my high school b/f, have at least 3 kids…maybe more.  I would be the perfect wife and mother.

Then, next thing I know, I’m homeless, looking for places to hide at night, looking for food eventually sucking dicks for food or money.  Never did sex, I was still hanging on to my virginity like it was a prize, something worth keeping.  I met a guy, been with him a few times and he said he would give me 250 to pop my cherry.  I’m like, why not. And I would rather do it this way than be raped like so many homeless women are and have that be my first.

He picks me up, we are driving to his place…I’m nervous, scared, excited… I liked him, nice man and I kinda couldn’t wait.  He hands me a 7up and next thing I know, Im in a house with a bunch of guys playing cards.  My hands are duck taped behind my back and I’m naked. I’m like what is this and I look at him.  He hits me and says not to talk unless I get permission.  I start to talk again and he hits me harder.  One of the guys get up and gives me the meanest look and then hits me in the boob, I can’t breath, the pain was horrible and he looks down and says next time I open my mouth, it will be to suck a dick or I will get a serious beat down.  I just sat there crying.  These guys were smoking all kinds of things and drinking and just partying.  I was able to find out by watching and listening that they were playing to see who would fuck me first.  I looked at my friend, who I thought was my friend and he just smiled and said..baby, its all about money and you are making me lots.  This is the fun stop, we will hang here for awhile, until they are done with you, then we have another stop where I will be making some money then we go see a friend needs a ginger to work for him.  You won’t like him at first, but then, you will learn to love him.  All the guys playing started laughing.  One said this slut has no idea what’s up and they laughed again.

For the next like 3 days, these fuckers took turns on me, laughing and having fun.  Sometimes a g/f or 2 would come over and they would hit me or make fun of me.  The last time I prayed, I had been doubting if god existed and I’m if you are here, you will help.  I prayed with all my heart when there was a knock on the door.  I knew it was the cops or something and I felt so safe, I even kinda relaxed and breathed.  I look up and it was 2 kids who had just been jumped into the gang.  They were told to start using me.  That was when I knew god didn’t exist or at least didn’t exist for me.

Fast forward past the other places I went, cuz it was just more of the same.

I tried suicide a bunch of times, but 2 of them got me in the hospital.  1st was when they found me and it was 4 days in lockup.  Next time, it was like 6 days.  I met a girl in the hospital who kinda helped get my head straight and after being released, I met some other homeless girls and they helped.  Being raped is a way of life out here, you just get used to it.  Fight if you can, but not enough so they will start beating on your face, cuz that is how you make you money…and the guys know that too.  Better to just be hiding somewhere so you can’t be found.  One girl told me she had been raped 3 times in a week.  Don’t take it personally, that is what fucks with your mind.  Think of it as someone took a blanket from you…they are not raping you to hurt you, they are using you to feel better.

I started working the library and parks, meeting guys for money…avoiding the street ho’s and pimps…I don’t want to mess with them.  A friend kinda pointed me in a direction where I could make money and be a bit safer and have a place to live.  I now have a motel room to live in…I only see a few guys a day and days I don’t want to work, I don’t have to.  I also work with a studio that makes adult films.  Making one now, it will be finished this week.

I’m moving to a nicer hotel late next week, less drama and less noise.  I never could have imagined my life being like this.  Going from being a typical kid to doing older man/young girl porn in 7 months.  Or virgin to porn actress in like 6 weeks.  How crappy can life be, yet this is lots better than being a street ho.

Update::::: I finished the movie…put the money in the bank…paid for my new room since they don’t always have rooms for long stays like mine will be.  We are now up in santa barbara for a little fun, a get away and I was going to do a movie for a guy up here that my friend knows.  That morning…my friend asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this.  He said the plot might mess with your head and shit.  I”m like…I need to quit being a pussy and get over it… shit happens…it’s no big deal…so he is…ok…but remember I’m there to help if you want… When we got to the studio this morning I saw the actors… I fucking flipped out…i haven’t been that mad in  a long time…if ever… I looked at the director…said this is wrong…’m not doing it…I looked at my friend and said lets go and I started walking.  The director offered me more money and i’m like…fuck no…never.  My friend caught me and walked me out to the car and we left… I was so mad…I called my g/f and told her and asked if I over reacted…she was like…no…and you should have kicked him in the nuts……she made me feel better.  He took me to the beach where we walked and walked..its wierd up there…some parts of the beach are like beautiful…then other parts there is oil and shit.

We had lunch…walked more…. he is really nice and understanding…not what I expected… got back to the room…chilled and stuff…just hung out…then did dinner….came back…rested and we are going out dancing….said he is taking me to a club that is 18 and over….we will dance and have lots of fun…he knows the owner or something so I don’t have to worry about an ID….how awesome.

Even though this is not the life I would wish on anyone… I’m getting used to it and idk if this will make any sense…but this new life feels right…