Well christmas is well and truly over, and i can’t say that i’m not happy about it. I had such a hectic christmas day, i was so tired. I came on for a few mins, but ended up talking with Mike until i was pretty much sleep. Good think that i was talking to him, he makes me so calm and relaxed, which i love. I didn’t end up geting online yesterday, i think i was just needing to have an early night, it definatly served me well. I did miss mike though.

Boxing day was just as mad as christmas day, i went up to my cousins (whom i call my aunt) place. We had a BBQ lunch, and it was nice. Most of the people there i knew, there were only a few I didn’t, and a matter of fact, those who i didn’t know were very rude, so i’m not fussed that i didn’t know them.  I spent most of the time talking with my cousin DB. He is only slightly older than me,and we get along well. We used to be much more closer than we are now. I spent many weekends at his place when i was younger. Its funny cause he is now working where i quit from back in March, so we had a bit to talk about.

I got to meet for the first time my new baby cousin, she is 6mnts old, and one of the most beautiful babies i have seen in a long time. I got to hold her alot of the day, which made me very happy. Her mum was worried that she was overweight for her age, i completely dissagreed, i said she was perfect.  She had these big blue eyes, with these long eyelashes, with blonde hair. Just Georgeous!

On a downside, my father was at the BBQ wth my step-mum. I didn’t really talk to him, did the basic plesentries, not much more. He confirmed that it wasn’t him that picked out the perfume he gove me for christmas. Definatly no surpise there. It was my new step sister, which i guessed it was her or step mum. Another downside, my great aunt was there, she is elderly (70/80s) and has demetia very bad. Its so sad to see someone who was soo full of life, brought down to this person who is nothing like her former self. She would start yelling out at random stages "MUM WHERE ARE YOU?" or "Where are the kids?".. It really made me sad. She can’t even remember how to eat, or when to go the bathroom. Its very depressing. I know that there is alot of demetia and altziemers in my family, and Cancer, so i guess if i get cancer, there is a good chance i’m going to forget it anyway. I have to look at the bright side otherwise the fears get to me.

I don’t know what it is, but when i’m around young kids, and babies, i just can’t be sad. They are just so innocent. I really want to have kids at one point.

I didn’t have anything to drink yesterday, which i’m surprised about. I was even offered a ride to the liquor store, but i declined. I don’t know what was going on. Normally i would have jumped at the offer. Maybe i’m changing? ..hmmm..  I even still have a 4 pack from christmas, unopened, in the house. So strange.

I finished the Twilight book that i good for christmas, It took me 2 days. I definatly want to get the next in the series.

On christmas morning i was bitting the skin of the inside of my lips, and now i have several sores on the back side of my lip. Almost everthing i eat stings. Even smiling hurts. I don’t know why I did it.. Nerves maybe? not sure.. I sure am suffering for it now.

Right now i don’t know how i’m feeling… i’m not feeling anything.. nothing.. just nothing..


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