Hey,

So i havent been on here in a while, i didnt really need to at first, last year i got with my best friend, still with the guy, we’re living together now, except things arent as great..we had a major row tonight over women and im just so stressed, i work full time, and he stays in the flat i pay for, basically not doing much which i asked him to look for a job, threatened leaving him, nothings working…but tonight was over some girl, i cannot help being jealous i dont care ive always been this way, end of the day a leopard cant change its spots. My partner knows this, i dunno how the row even started, but it ended up with the past being brought up, end of the day i can fight with my tongue, i can be extremly mean! but so can he! and he walked out, i ended up having a panic attack, and having to txt my partners mum to try and get in touch with him, (as he turned his sodding phone off!!) anyway so im on the floor panicking, barely breathing and he comes back and helps me, but then i get a feeling i dont want him near me, i dont love him, and i feel nothing for him, which makes me more worked up because a few hours earlier i really loved him, really really badly! but now i dont know what i feel, he tells me that if he gets a job in somewhere like a warehouse theres still "pretty" girls working there, just to p(ss me off why frikkin say that?! i ave to work with a load of women, cause thats my job and there arent any men, but i dont even say to him that there are sexy men coming into the job do i?! hmm…..i dunno what to do anymore, i dont no if i love this guy, my past has fuc£ked me up, because of what my ex did cheating on me and such i dont feel like i love this guy, i dont want to get married anymore, and i dont want to have a kid with him, i want to leave, i actually just want to die. i feel like im ready to just give it all up and leave him. i would be happier and so would he. i think.